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Celebrity Roundup, Yee-haw

Oct
15
2005

Normally I reckon celebrities can take care of themselves just fine without me worrying about them, but that purty little Katie Holmes is not only planning on marrying that icky ol’ Tom Cruise, she’s supposedly having a baby with him. And when there’s a baby involved, why then, it’s time for the Mommy Cavalry to go to the rescue. (Cue background music.)
I’ll be firing up the minivan, so I could use someone to ride shotgun; if I take the kids’ car seats out there’ll be room for a few more too. Anyone interested in saving Katie from a Scientology birth—apparently conducted in silence to avoid traumatizing the baby—not to mention saving Katie from suffering through any serious post-natal depression with the help only of vitamins (the way Tommy would do it, I’m sure); not to mention, and most important, saving the baby from being raised by a father who buys this hoo-haw, and a mother who apparently accepts it too, sign right on.
On the way maybe we can rescue Michael Jackson’s kids also.
If you want details on what a Scientology birth is like, Slate’s Dana Stevens is funny and thorough about the Holmes pregnancy.
(By the way, what’s with all this use of the word “bump” for a pregnant belly? I figure it’s supposed to sound amusingly detached and non-baby-gushy and I’m guessing it’s a Brit import. But don’t people realize the Brits really are detached? If you’re looking for warm family relationships, you don’t go to Britain. Stereotypically speaking, of course.)
While we’re talking kids and celebrity infotainment culture, what about “Wife Swap?” It’s one of the programs where two mothers go to briefly live in each other’s houses with the other person’s family, and when it very occasionally falls onto my TV I let it stay, just because it lets me be nosy and smug at the same time. So it’s cheap entertainment, right?
But, there are kids involved in this show, as young as two on the ones I’ve seen. There’s often some crying. And who knows what the older children are getting out of it all. They usually look really uncomfortable at some point. So you’re putting children through some distress—for a TV show.
Or what about on those home video shows, when a kid falls flat on his face or something—and the adult keeps filming. And then sends it in to the program because it’s so funny. And then we all watch it too. Ha. Ha ha ha.
More kids in distress–for a TV show–for people to sit on the couch and eat potato chips and make smartass comments so that the network can try to make a profit.
Pack some snacks please; there’s going to be lots of stops to make in the minivan.

Share  Posted by Deborah Klosky at 4:06 PM | Permalink

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