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Frankly I’d Prefer Basketweaving Class

Aug
12
2005

Son the elder starts kindergarten this school year, and naturally what I’m most looking forward to is the possibility that he’ll one day be able to learn about “intelligent design” in school. Because I think schools still had a few minutes a day when they were fitting in some learning, and that’s just gotta go. Now, when he’s taking a break from attending ritual pep rallies and public speaking classes and how to score well on standardized test classes, he won’t have the shock of being hit upside the head by knowledge in “science” class.
I’m hoping by the time he’s in high school, or whatever age is considered most appropriate by church and school boards to teach “intelligent design,” other classes will be reformed to match the level of “science” knowledge bound up in “intelligent design” classes. “Literature” classes, for example, could teach books written in pig Latin. Like Toay Illkay An Ockingbirdmay. Actually, that might have some value.
OK then, “history” classes could study the screenplays of Mel Gibson movies–all of them. “Mad Max” could be the past some day, right? “Political science” classes would of course teach kids how to answer the phone properly when pollsters call. They could also cover important current events, like Paris Hilton’s love life. “Physical education” could teach how to use remote controls.
“Math” class could consist solely of asking those probability questions that when people answer instinctively, they always get wrong—like, “If I flip this coin 100 times, and it lands on heads 99 times, what is the 100th flip likely to be?”—and then not correcting the answers. Hey, if that’s what everyone believes, then it must be right. If not, we’ll make it right, by gum.
The day could start out with a religious pledge of patriotic loyalty. Oh wait, that’s already taken care of.
The only place teaching of intelligent design belongs in a secular school is in a comparative religions class on creation myths. Or, one day soon one hopes, to a very small footnote in a history text.

Share  Posted by Deborah Klosky at 8:33 AM | Permalink

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