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In the interest of organization and ability to see my full computer screen, I need to throw out some of these sticky notes festooning my desk area. These are thoughts and observations that will never flesh out to a full column, but I feel the need to pass on anyway.
• I know I don’t live in the entertainment hub of the world, but where are all these people whose lives are so dismally boring that they are actually paying attention to all these ad nauseum details of Tom Cruise’s and Katie Holmes’ wedding? I’m beginning to suspect this is one of those self-feeding media frenzies: If you show enough clips of people, they become important. And why are these people always in my face? This morning I had to flee the Today Show, only to have them follow me to MSNBC and then to CNN. They keep seeping into the news and just won’t stay in pop culture where they belong.
• About all this information about what a disaster/tragedy/debacle would be caused by withdrawal from Iraq: where were these experts before the election? On vacation with the same Bush advisor who knew Donald Rumsfeld was political poison?
• Now hear this: If anyone pays a single penny over retail through Ebay for a Playstation 3, I will personally come to your house and, with my bare hands, perform a lobotomy through your nasal passages. Then I will grab the little ingrate that forced you to do something so avarice-enabling and force him/them into clothing with no labels or logos smeared across the chest or butt. And don’t think I won’t.
• Am I the only one who suspects a financial symbiotic relationship between research doctors and the red wine industry? And could the gin and dry vermouth makers start buddying up too? I mean a martini must prevent something. Like plantar warts. At this point it’s only anecdotal, but I think I can safely say that more people who drink martinis do not have plantars warts than those that do. Granted, more research is needed and I’m fully prepared to volunteer for the study.
• Yet another sign you’re getting old: You’ve witnessed Disney releasing The Little Mermaid from the vault more than twice.
• Christmas decorations are already up in our town. Christmas ads began two weeks ago along with store decorations. I can only take so much of gold and silver tinsel and those songs lose their charm after awhile. I have only so much good will to ooze and at this rate I’ll be running out by December 20.
• Along those lines: Please, please, please, spare us all the sight of the head of an antlered ruminant with a huge red bulbous nose splayed across your chest. Yes, I mean you.
• Similarly, if you ever see the headline “Man, 50, Brutally Beaten by Enraged Family” you will know that Dirtman went beyond his once-a-year play limit of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”
• Lately? All the “experts” interviewed for those perennial news pieces about fireplace safety and driving in snow and ice? You know how I know they’re all under 30? By listening to the inflection at the end of all their sentences? They all go up so that even a statement sound like questions?
And finally:
• After seeing an ad for a local oldies station aimed at baby boomers like me, I have come to the conclusion that, though over 30 years have passed, I am still sick to death of the song “Hotel California.”

Share  Posted by Jeanne Jackson at 2:25 PM | Permalink

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