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Have a Nice Trip, See You This Fall


I’ve been remarkably patient about fashion. Realizing that I could be accused of sour grapes, I’ve kept quiet over the return – I stress here the word “return” – of certain fashion trends most of us were glad to see fade away.
I’ve said nothing of hemlines creeping back up to 1960’s heights, mostly because it is apparently still acceptable to wear skirts at my perfect length, which is just below the knee or just below the calf. I’ve kept quiet about the return of the hip-hugger – excuse me, low riders – a look that turns even the svelte into crack-revealing overweight plumbers (oh, go ahead and click — it’s safe).
Now I hear the powers that be in the fashion industry are bringing back the platform shoe. Holy shades of Elton John saying goodbye to the Yellow Brick Road! NO!
Does no one remember the ankle injuries of the 1970s? Don’t you suspect that somewhere there is a group of sadist fashion moguls laughing gleefully as they discover a way to make high heels even more dangerous?
I’ve railed against high heels until I’m blue in the face. High heels were devised by the cavemen to slow women down. You don’t see men teetering around on tiny sticks, do you? Not in public, anyway.
I try never to wear high heels because if I am ever attacked by the Giant Behemoth Monster, I want to be able to run for my life without having to ditch my shoes first.
And now this.
Believe me, this has nothing to do with the fact that in platform shoes I, with my short, Oompah Loompah legs look like I’m walking on stilts. I’m only thinking of all you women whose legs do not extend to their ears. You may not be among the gam-impaired like me, but platforms will make you look that way.
There is no way to wear platforms without reminding people of orthotics used to even out leg length or to provide added height to the vertically-challenged. Look at that scene in High Society where Frank Sinatra dances with Grace Kelly – now look at his feet. See? Not as romantic anymore, is it? He looks like he’s wearing Herman Munster’s shoes, doesn’t he?
Now, if Sinatra can’t pull it off, nobody can pull it off.
I know I’m probably in the minority since in the fashion world comfort is usually at the bottom of the list of considerations. And, of course, once it’s been declared acceptable by The Manolo it’s a done deal.
Meghan Cleary says in the New York Daily News: “Get over it, and get into it. Platforms are here to stay, and if you are an intelligent woman, which I know you are, you’ll master how to make your platforms work for you.”
How about as a doggie chew toy?

Share  Posted by Jeanne Jackson at 10:08 AM | Permalink

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