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Who Not To Wear

May
26
2006

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you this week’s prize Quote Reflecting Why Our Society is So Absolutely Screwed Up:

“When you’re walking down the street holding your daughter’s hand, it makes you feel good when she looks good. It’s like having the right car or the right handbag.”

Yes, you read that right.
Our children are not our future, after all. They are our accessories.
This lightbulb take on parenthood is courtesy of a store owner – excuse me – boutique owner in Los Angeles that specializes in “hip” (meaning, of course, “over-priced”) children’s clothing. The story on generational trends in fashion comes from the Associated Press.
Hey, I’m ready for this trend! No more of that tedious, boring Preparation for Taking Their Place in Society, the sort of Comfy Brown Shoe philosophy of parenting. Kids are Fun! Sassy! Color-coordinated!
Now, overheard in dressing rooms and design studios in Los Angeles, that harbinger of societal decadence, we offer the following:
“What do you think, Blanche? Does this child make me look fat?”
“Doctor, I can’t possibly take this blue-eyed baby home. He’ll clash with the earth tones in the carpet.”
“At first I wasn’t sure about a redhead, but I think it makes a bold statement paired with the green diaper bag, don’t you think?”
“What do you mean Finster is big-boned? I wanted something in an A-line!”
“Mrs. Prescott! I have the absolutely perfect four-year-old to go with those shoes!”
“The bride wore a gown of Chantilly lace accented with mother-of-pearl buttons. Her lace veil flowed into her five-foot train and she carried a bouquet of toddlers accented with baby’s breath and satin ribbon.”
If you notice, I mention neither the boutique’s name nor its owner. That’s because by the time you read this, the store will be So Last Week.
Perhaps she should have stocked up on tow-headed blonde two-year-olds while the trend was hot.

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